The inexpensive subjugation of your enemies

One of the perks of my (somewhat) new address is that we’re not all that far from a Waldo’s. Having a Waldo’s nearby comes in very handy when, for example, you realise that you don’t have enough trays for your Thanksgiving yams and green beanless casserole and pecan pies, and have to make an emergency dash on your broken bike with flat tyres to the nearest sucursal in order to re-provision.

On this particular dash (dashing is a terrible action to try and perform in Guadalajara’s centro) I was also hoping to pick up some regular white candles, but all I could find were ‘veladoras misticas’; candles in jars, each bearing a religious image.

The usual saints and the V. of G. were well represented, but so too was Santísima Muerte, Holy Death. Not quite a part of the Catholic canon, but according to National Geographic, the centre of a growing, grisly cult. I hadn’t seen much sign of Santa Muerte’s presence in Guadalajara, so was fascinated to see the grim lady herself right in the Centro.

The candle was only 12 pesos, which I figured was a good price with or without the image on it. It wasn’t until I got it home that I read the prayer (written in Spanish and English; don’t go thinking this is some kind of weird hispanohablante thing) on the back…

Saintly Death, conquer [insert name], so that he is conquered before me in the name of the Lord, make him meek as a lamb, gentle as the rosemary flower, by the strongest word you have given me, I want you to bring me [insert name], humbled at my feet to fulfill the promise given, that he may remember me and give me everything he has by the strength of your powers.

Yikes. Not even a period to slow the power of that prayer. So now I’m wondering if I really have to nominate someone, or if it is permitted to just burn the candle as a candle. And if I do have to choose a name, how far can 12 pesos reach? I can think of a few people that could do with some rosemary-like gentleness…

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